trying to kill everything she had inside.
more likely become someone who doesnt care abt anything, heartless. emotionless. push everything out, turn people down and harshly let herself drown in horrible tears. well life is always abt the unexpected. doesnt mean its broken in pieces, it will always be. maybe it is broken but at least it can be fix, and yes. it must go through a lot of cuts and such. to keep up with the throbbing pain, is never an easy thing to deal with. always have to remind herself that she is fine, never actually works when all she had was a broken heart. and she put her best effort on building up such walls, between herself and everything else. it takes time...
and apparently she dont know how, and why would someone can easily get over all the walls that protect her from being broken again. just a simple hi would start shaking her off. and of course with some care and hope definitely get rid of everything. and yes, her world started to be like the heaven. never had to pass a day without that old sadness. she could actually smile without she even realize, and tell me, how good was that sounds? she started to believe again, that life arent that bad and never always be bad. she thought so.
things change in just a day, or maybe in only a minute.
with no reasons, with no signs and clues. it just happen that way. weird tho. but come on, she wont give up that easily. she had been this way before and maybe, just maybe she knows how to handle herself again. dont know why, she still keeps on waiting, try to find a clue on what had happen and how to fix things up again or probably trying to fix the old mistakes she had done. to do the same mistakes all over again hurts way more than shoot herself right through the head.
but you know what? theres too many things were left untold. and so left her with no choice but to get up, move on. and start the cycle again, and again.