maybe i was wrong, maybe yes, i am the fool, maybe i am the one who messed everything up. if i could, i would turn back the time. i should have seen it coming, i should have read the signs...
well its been a long time since the heartbreak but.. tell me why it did felt like yesterday?
ive done my every best to forget and clean up all the mess but it seems like i am getting worse. the headache, the eyebags from the tears everynight. why just why? and everytime the last sujud in my prayer, i did cry, i did tell everything to Allah... it felt so calm but sad. and i just dont know what to do.. ive done literally everything just to distract myself but yeah clearly i am failing. hmm and yes its 12 march and we still had 8 more days till the result for SPM. it wasnt because of the result but it was about meeting everyone. oh life, i swear to god i did not want to see them. it is a shame for me to meet everyone up. yes, for all ive done during the school days.
i still keep on the jealousy, the pain, the stalking.... it is hurting me but why should i? its not like we still had anything. why cant we be friends, close friends or best friends.. just why we need to be strangers again?
i know i am weak, i am such a girl because i cant move on. but heck, i cant and even if i try, i keep on failing and failing. i just wanna delete everything up but i cant.
i just keep on praying, so that i can go far away from everybody and make a fresh start. how i wish. it was stupid to be madly in love with someone who wasnt even confirmed to be our husband. and guess what? i did feel like, i am not even qualified for any men in this world.. i do. i really do. i am such a shame, i am such a bad girl. i just feel like, i did not want to get married.. i screw up so many things man. i just cant... i was never meant to be with anyone. i am not good enough for anyone. literally. and yes, it does makes me feel so hopeless in love right now. or probably for my entire life
i hate the fact but i do need to accept the fate. maybe, it is better this way, it better for me to get hurt everyday to see him with another girl. maybe it is the good way...