tell me why..

every hello are always meant to meet an end. can i be excused from this?

and i've told you guys. i am madly in love with someone right now. yeah. i can't lie about that. it is like.. i am the happiest girl in the universe. but sometimes.. it is way too upside down.

i hate goodbyes! i really do. if i could, i would just spend every single time with the one i loved. you know how hard it was to let go of something that makes you happy and being cared about? it's not like letting go forever, i know just for a mean while of time. but yeah. it still hurts. and tbh, i've never been like this since.. last year? omg. yea right. always, the hardest part ever. he need some rest too right. okay, i just wanna say that, i never ever felt so tired being with him. never. all i need is him whenever i feel so tired, so sick, so mad, so sad, feeling miserable or something.. i surely do. and i've always, always never get enough of him. i just wanna be with him, all day long and for the rest of my life. if i was meant to be with him tho. and it was hard for me to get to sleep, just because i keep thinking about him. omg, i really really do need to see a doctor. lately, i am lacking of sleep. not because i want to. well, things get complicated when it comes about feelings. yeah. i will only fall asleep when i really get tired. but most of the time, i didn't. the first word problem of the day, i am tired but whenever he texts, calls or anything i barely knew what is tired. see how my big problem was? if i could, i wanna text, i wanna have calls, i wanna skype with him every minute and second. it hurts weh. it really does. and yeah, i forgot to tell ya guys. he lives far away from me. we rarely meet. and that what hurts me the most. it ain't easy to just forget everything for a minute. it ain't easy to not to think about him. this "i miss you" feeling is killing me, too bad. and i just, don't know if he feel the same too?

should i tell him the truth? or shouldn't? everynight, it kills me slowly. it really do. should i really tell him that actually, i didn't sleep right after he asked. i didn't. but, i've tried okay. it just.. i can't. i keep waiting till the sun rises up and yeah, doing some stuffs and actually i was doing stuffs to make me feel tired and just to attract me for not thinking about him for once. oh god, i've told you i fall way too hard. when i was like five or six, i have an insomnia. yeah. it was hard for me as i was a little kid, but it's okay. i didn't feel tired for lack of sleep. and now, i think i am having my insomnia back. again. but this time, for a reason. and the reason is him. always. but it's okay. i'm fine. i'm just gonna face everything. face the goodbyes strongly. you guys never know how weird, how complicated it was to be me..

and yes, he was my favourite insomnia ever.