so yeah, i have this something that i am afraid of. and yes, probably the cliche answer ever.
i am afraid, afraid of myself being too insecure. idk why, i just did. you know, i can be so freakin insecure at everything, literally and it sucks. damn it does. you know how hard it is to face such lack of confidence in yourself. well things have been out of control lately. feeling to insecure each time and yes, it keeps me down. its not that i wanna say i am not grateful of what i look or what i had. it just.. it sucks man to be not good enough. not enough of everything to be compare with anyone. i know i am not pretty, i am not flawless and short and fat and ugly and stupid and heck. i hate to be compared with. i hate to know the fact i am not good enough. it sucks, way to sucks. i am afraid when i am in this insecure mood because trust me, youll never wanna be with me again. i hate to say this but, it will ended up with something stupid and to be precise, something ugly. i could cry myself to sleep, keep my distant with everyone i love, shut people out and worse, i could hurt myself. believe me, ive been there before and hell i wont do that again.
maybe youre afraid of the height, and maybe youre afraid of the dark. and you know it is something you can avoid being in such situation. but, tell me how if you are afraid being yourself when youre in your lowest point? i could do many stupid things if i am in my critical emotions, insecure moments.and yes, i am afraid of that. i am afraid of myself doing such things. and theres nothing i could do. i hate myself for being this way.
i may look normal and like theres nothing wrong. but if you do knew me, i am not that strong. and it sucks to pretend, although it hurts me.
and oh, i do have another thing that always, and always make me afraid of myself. i hate myself for being to clingy and to jealous. ive been spoil before and i know, i cant change it. but i know i have too. well they said the one who are jealous are always the faithful and the keeper. but idk.. but im not the one who jealous over small things. well, thats a drama queen i can say. i just hate myself for doing so. dont you think so?
well basically thats my story on what i am afraid of. and heck, theres nothing i could do. maybe, just maybe i need someone that actually can makes me forget of how ugly i could be. everything of myself.