180 day left
"Doctor : I am sorry.
Me : How long I can live?
Doctor : 6 months......."
That moment when the doctor say I only had 180 days to live my life. As I was a victim of cancer. All I did was keep praying, praying and praying. I don't eat, I don't sleep. I keep thinking about what will happen to me. Every time, I will cry. All I think was, die. die, die and die. Nothing else but that. If you guys were in my shoes, you guys would do the exact thing. Give up. That's the word. I give up on my life. I give up everything I have in my life. Everything. Yes, giving up......
160 day left
No more hope in my heart, my soul. And if I really had to go, I had to accept God's will. Clearly, I won't tell my friends, my love ones.. Or should I? Even my time wasn't that much, I still want to spent my time with everyone I care, I love. Especially my family and friends. But hey, life must go on right? So, with the strength I have, I go back to work, and living my life like always. Why I feel so different?
"When my life seems to have a turning point."
A gentlemen volunteer himself in my life. Actually, he was mine once when I was young. Life brought him back to me. Why now? Why must be the time I really had to go? No one can actually answer that. It's fate. And somehow, everything happens for a reason. I do believe that. God wants everyone to have a meaningful life, always.
120 day left
Life seems to be more better than before. With the presence of him in my life, everything just seems to be fine. Everything. He light up my world. Giving me such of memories. And I am starting to let him come in my heart. And guess what, when I'm with him, I completely forgot that I does not have any much time to live this life. I completely forget everything.. It just feel so right to be with him, everything and everywhere.
But, should I just be quiet? Should I tell him the truth? Oh, love. Why you must come now? If only I have more time to spend and to live on..
"It's 2am and here I am, I'm wide awake and I'm going crazy, so crazy. I'm dreaming with my eyes open because I don't wanna miss a moment with you."
Medicine, medicine and medicine. I still have to take these? I know I will go anyway.. I'm getting more mystery, more stress than before. I don't have much time to spend my life. And yes, I finally made a decision to tell him and my friends. Yes, they are my love ones. I can't face this. They are too meaningful to me. Crying, yes we did. I can see suffer from my friends' eyes. Regretting every single they had done wrong. Nah, I'm fine with everything. But....
Him. He doesn't seems to accept the truth. Typical, he disappears. I have expected this to happen. Why I must sad? I walked, and walked along the beach we used to chase each other. Remembering all the memories we had. What a memory, life's beautiful. Sadly, I finally dropped my first tear after a long time. I don't actually believe that I am sad to think about my life. But, what can I even do? Only god knows how pain it is to wait.....
18 day left
The rain kept falling. Why does the sky cried everyday? Does the sky as sad and as pain as I am now? I took 2 weeks off form work. Without any clear reasons. I barricaded myself in my room. I really need my time alone. I am super mysterious back then. I don't know what to do, I really don't. I only left 18 days. 18 freaking days. And yes, it hurts to have a cancer. It really hurts. I always, always coughing up some bloods. Medicine aren't helping me either. And the doctor said, I have to be hospitalized at my last week. Last week of my life, my world..
Someone knock the door my room. And it was shock to see him coming to my house. My mum let him in as my mum knew him. For a month now, where you have been? And that was the first and the last time, I saw him cry. Because of me. He told me everything. He told me that he's been so miserable and confusing. He also told me how hard he tried to forget about me... And he just couldn't. He pulled my hands and bring to the car. He drove to a place, a very familiar place.
The beach, the place where everything started. I step out of the car, without any hat, any umbrella, anything, even the sky is crying. Purposely, let the rain hit me. Suddenly, he hugged me from the back. I startled for a while. And that, really makes me sad. I cry, he cry. We cry. We cry to think about what we had to face, about what we had been through.
"I want to live on, I really want to live on......"
That final day
It's about time, and my time is up. I really can feel how painful it was.. And I really can feel that I'm about to go. The doctor make his last check up. And he was right, in any minute now, I'm gonna leave everyone behind. It was hard to smile in front of everyone who came to visit me at the hospital. But, all I do was, staring at the window.. Waiting to die..
He was there always, by my side. Since I was hospitalized. He even fall asleep while taking care of me. I really wish, I don't have to die now. Why did I do wrong? Why must me who suffer this disease? Why me? My last tears are falling down now. I can really feel it now, and yes. I'm finally done. Thanks everyone, for giving me happiness, sadness, and laugher. And yes, thank you God for lending me a very beautiful life.