complicated things

for a quick and short intro, i would just happily to tell you guys that i'm gonna post about myself (again) but not about my appearance or what i'm just wanna let things go in my heart, i just cant hold it anymore. and i'm super duper sorry if any of my words or anything would hurt you guys, chillax. it was just a post after all. so yeah, here we go. 

sometimes, i do admit. i am such a liar. i am such a bitch and i am such whore. i know my attitudes are just way too horrible. i get it sometimes. for some reasons, i dont wanna be like that actually. sometimes, it was not something i wanna do. it was sometimes, a pressure situation make me to. or someone make me to. i had no choice. you know what i mean right.

do you gus ever been in love? i mean really really in love? yeah, i do. and it feels soooo right. and you know you are not gonna hurt him/her would you? i'm the type of girl who fall easily, sadly hard too. and it is hard to handle me. i'm so fucking immature, i'm hopeless, pathetic. and being they way i was, does hurt someone i love. someone i care about. i'm just stuck in the situation where you need to pretend to be like what he likes and being yourself. people would always says that being yourself was the best way to lead a happy life but....... fuck that. do you ever been in my situation? 

so yeah. i took the right way. (not so right) i killed my ego and just pretend that i am okay. yeap, i accept the fact that i need to give a touch on my look, you know, get rid of the pimples, whitten my face.. be pretty like the girls in instagram.. well yeap, it is hard for me (every girls do) to change your look for someone you love. its not that i really do look hidious or horrible. it just, why cant they just accept the way i am. the look i was born with.  i know i am not flawless, tall or white or thin or cute or what. but hey, i deserve to be myself too. sometimes, it is not about being insecure or something it just.. i really wanna find someone who accept everything i am. literally, someone who dont fucking care about my looks or my personality.  someone who really loved me for who i am. like my family.. they never complaint. the one who never even talk about my looks or not even say "hey new pimples there." fuck no. 

tbh i never complaint anything about his looks. i accept everything. but i know, maybe he is too perfect thats why i need to be perfect too..... but maybe, i'm not for him. i'm not good enough. at the end of the day, i need someone who just like me. and this situation hurts me. so much..